Sovereignty in Times of Chaos

(This post has been written in whole by a human without the assistance of AI)

My dear dear loves, it has happened again - Minneapolis is in global headlines due to the sanctioned violence brought to our city by tax-funded employees. First and foremost, I pay my deepest respects and condolences to Renee Good's family and loved ones. This has been a devastating few days and I mourn for all of us who have been threatened, harmed, or killed by state sanctioned violence.

As most of you know, Portland & 34th is only a few blocks away from George Floyd Square. I canceled sessions last week and expect to return to a regular schedule this week - my calendar will be as accurate as possible. I made this decision because of the location out of an abundance of caution - we do not know how these agents will respond to protests and given the vicinity, I would not feel comfortable asking people to enter the area.

We are expecting an increase of presence and I do not believe it is in my best interest to pause my work for the entirety of their presence, so I am going to take sessions as my nervous system allows. I ask for grace in the coming weeks with cancellations - knowing myself as well as I do, I know I will be moving through a plethora of emotions that may not be suitable for holding space for others in a way that you deserve. My body is extremely soft and I am heartbroken - but I feel grounded in my posture and alignment in my mission.

Most of you know I take my work extremely seriously - I believe in somatic sovereignty like nothing else. The power that is knowing how to be in an intimate relationship with our body is grossly underestimated. The power that is pleasure activation deeply seeded in liberation and justice...is grossly underestimated. The work I do with clients is about embodying the power that keeps us ungovernable. About engaging in the deepest wells of ourselves that keep our values in line with our actions, in line with our community relationships, and in position to protect ourselves from violations of consent.

Resistance requires a certain state of relationship with our bodies. A revolutionary relationship with our bodies looks like refusing compliance in advance, resisting unchecked authority, and revolving through the doors of past, present, and future. Our bodies know when shit is fucked - and I'd say right now, shit is pretty fucked. We know it is fucked because everything in our bodies is telling us so.

I invite all of us to take as much time as we need to sit with how we know this is fucked. Every day I work with clients, I ask how you know you feel good -- now I am asking you how you know this is bad.

For me, it is a sense of sinking. My stomach hardens in the center of my body and it swells into my pelvis and my chest. My throat thickens and my face heats up, water accumulates in my eyes. Tingles sprinkle themselves around my shoulders and my cheeks. I can feel my heartbeat in my cunt. My glutes tense up and I feel frozen - like I cannot move unless I know everything even though I don't know what anything is. Activity is stronger in my front body. There is a dark breeze behind me. My eyes focus as does my mind - to every possibility, scanning for threats and trying to detect the next best move, but unsure of what information will satisfy a decision.

I welcome these sensations to the party - they RSVP'd in advance and I expected them to arrive.

When I cry, or rather weep, these sensations change - they fade into a brightness, like dancing light beams emitting from my upper ribs in my chest. My sternum becomes a disco ball. The music starts to play in tunes of the peace my body protects. Rage comes to play - and she tells me she is there because peace needed her as a plus one. My chin sinks into my chest and I start to pray in gratitude for my body's wisdom - the intelligence of my skin, flesh, soft tissues.

The movement between peace and rage is one I am familiar with...I have gotten to know them and have worked hard to befriend them and allow them to move me in directions of liberation and justice. This has expanded my capacity for grief... and for pleasure.

Although I feel a little nauseous even typing this out - I know my body is not wrong. I know nothing about my body could be wrong because bodies don't exist in a right/wrong duality. Internalizing that kind of duality is a form of rejection of our body's intelligence.

To be honest, it brings me a great sense of pleasure to know I can experience such a range of emotions and sensations - to have evidence of humanity written into the tempo of my heartbeat.

It may take practice. It might not feel great for all of us to sit with our sensations - dissociation or numbness are loving functions our bodies will engage in when we do not have the capacity to process our experiences. Please do not be hard on yourself. Existing beyond our window of tolerance for an extended length of time is not good for us - and we need to do good for us right now.

I am committed to my part in doing good - and one way I do that is through my bodywork practice and practicing what I preach.

Bodywork sessions with me are political. No, I don't need to talk politics with all of you and bring it into sessions directly. But I do need to acknowledge it regardless. I cannot practice this practice without considering the politics that make it so important and relevant. Bodies are under constant surveillance and policing in the United States of America - and here I am trying to resist the manufactured consent with a semblance of hope that sovereign bodies are harder to control.

I genuinely believe that bodywork has the potential to expand our agency. Being touched, held, and witnessed has always fascinated me in its ability to cultivate the kind of agency that terrifies authoritarian power. Let us be with this power. Let us be with the power that is human intimacy, bodily sovereignty, and liberating pleasure.

I love all of you - from the bottom of the feet to the space above me in the sky, I am in reverence to your reception of my services. It is an honor of my fucking life to be practicing this work in these times - I do not take this or your investment for granted. Thank you for trusting me and showing me the limitlessness of change in this world.

I will end this with the words of Octavia Butler:

"All that you touch, you change.

All that you change, changes you.

The only lasting truth is change.

God is change."

May the best be ours,

Elle