Delectation of Touch For a Decade
SEGMENT I: Ranting and Nerding
(I apologize in advance if I repeat myself in these blog posts - much of my writing is free floating on the same topic over and over again. I am grateful for you tagging along for the evolutionary ride of my perspectives and thoughts. I wrote about the following in my previous post and I appreciate you hanging in here with me as I expand and play with my own reflections.)
This Work is Nothing Without You
First and foremost, this writing is an expression of gratitude to all the people who have worked with me. This autumn marks the tenth year of my practice and it would be absolutely nothing without the people who have stumbled upon my work and taken a chance on something wildly unknown. From the deepest wells of my heart and guts, I am grateful.
I am grateful that you found me and that I found you. Without you, I would not have had the opportunity to gain the wealth of wisdom over the last ten years. Every single person who walks through my doors is a shining new example of what this work has the potential to mean.
Without you, my practice would simply be a theory - an idea without realization. The simple idea of working with pleasure alongside relaxation sounds wonderful. In the last decade, this work has been realized through the flesh of hundreds of people. Since June of 2024, more than 500 people have completed my intake form. That's more than 200 people every year that reach out to me inquiring about my work -- if you are here reading this, then you are likely one of those people. I am forever grateful to you for having the audacity to feel good, to allow pleasure into existence through your flesh, and to expand on your inherent right to delight in the delicacy of your body.
You. Mean. Everything. To. Me...honestly. I am in awe of you seeking your truth, discovering the depth of complexity your body holds, and sustaining your desire to enjoy the absolute fuck out of yourself. It's been a pleasure of a lifetime to take strides through your journey with you.
When I think back to ten years ago, I am a bit dumbfounded. I had no idea how this work would impact people, no idea where it would take me, or where it would take others. I knew touch was important but if I am honest, I didn't know just how important it actually is. I didn't know I would find the gravity of trust that this work requires.
Teaching myself the art of affective touch through a somatic and pleasure-based lens has brought an entirely new perspective upon my whole world. Holding space for others to process the impacts of touch hasn't and isn't always the easiest thing. Don't get me wrong, it is "easy"...but holy shit...we humans are complex little bundles of nervous systems holding onto such unique histories of pain and pleasure as we stroll around planet Earth together.
I have been challenged in the most beautiful ways. To be present with your grief, with your gentle (yet intense) ecstasy, and with your immense expansions of compassion, grace, and reflection for yourself hasn't just changed me - it has enveloped me into my very own bright orb of growth and capacity of being a human in an utterly disgusting love affair with being alive. What a damn honor it is. Thank you, thank you, thank you.
Over the years, I have gained an intimate understanding that grief and pleasure show up together in remarkable ways. The senses of ambiguous loss and feverish hopes are often wrapped up within us in ways that don't always make sense to us - our minds struggle to interpret what our bodies find abundantly obvious. We know we feel a way but we are challenged when we ask ourselves to understand it, to describe it, to put it into words. So we allow ourselves to learn how to let the body speak for itself and see what happens.
Somewhere deep and mysterious, we tap into a place where a knowing that surpasses our brain's intellect exists. And as you have probably heard me say before...perhaps we don't need to understand it in the traditional style of understanding. Although the brain doesn't "shut off" when we access this space, it does harmonize with the body in remarkable alignment with something otherworldly...and cool shit happens here! Perhaps the real skill is surrendering to the essence of our body's divine fluency of sensational feeling so we can actually enjoy this other world that welcomes us as its favorite guests.
Touch will likely never cease to fascinate me. I am obsessed with the impacts it has - the potential of it, the way it expands capacity, and holds onto complexity with such an ease.
Honestly, touch has no business being this exceptional.
During my intake calls, I often talk about the different aspects of touch - physical, emotional, and a secret third thing that feels divine. The latter being an aspect that I still, after a decade of practicing, struggle to explain. Poetry has been the only modality remotely useful in articulating how I feel about the divine(?) ways touch permeates our lives. My desire to understand it persists, but I no longer have a need to understand it...I have learned to simply let it be what it is and continue on with a heavy dose of curiosity and awe.
The first few years of my practice brought along a strong pressure to understand what exactly was happening in this secret third area of touch. What's going on when someone launches into a spiritual space with touch? What's going on when someone says they've never been touched like this? How can touch catapult us into a relationship with something so big and expansive that we can only describe it as divine? Damn the limitations of language.
The inability to explain or describe this aspect of touch has actually become my favorite thing about my practice. Soothing into the unknown with comfort and radical acceptance that it might not even be any of my business to understand the how and the why has brought a sense of liberation to my approach. Physical and emotional touch are easy to grasp...
Physical touch is the kind of touch that we are simply aware of. It is mechanical and discriminative. We touch and hold a pen when we write on paper. We touch and pull the fridge door handle and the cheese it holds inside. We touch the television clicker and know what buttons to push without even looking. Physical touch is connected to our sense of sight. When we dig through a pocket of change, our fingers can "see" what coins are quarters, nickels, dimes, and pennies.
<<<Below is a slide from a presentation on the types of touch that I made>>>
Maybe some day I will share the entirety of this presentation, but I am including it here to expand my thoughts on "touch archs".
Emotional touch is understood as 'affective touch'...it is a kind of touch that arouses the delicious emotions like comfort, safety, affection, and admiration. Humans have affective touch needs - many studies have affirmed that babies need to be touched to develop a sense of self, love, and connection. That doesn't just go away as we age into adulthood. Adults have these needs, too!
The only purpose of our C-tactile fibers is to emote. That's it - that's their one, singular role. We are designed to emotionally connect to ourselves and others through touch. Our innate blueprint of connection begins and ends with C-tactile fibers.
Maybe it's not that wild of an idea that when physical touch meets emotional touch, the "seeing" becomes more than just the ability to discern a coin in a pocket. It becomes a witness of something intangible; something we struggle to explain because it's not meant to be understood like a coin in a pocket. It's meant to simply witness the musical tone of incorporeal ether of connection. It "sees" something happening on a soul level, a universal level of connection to ourselves, to each other, and to the immense universe we live in. It becomes embarrassingly obvious that the universe is a part of us as much as we are a part of it.
Carried along with this deeeeeeeep connection is an expansion of capacity for whatever we might come across in the mysterious ethereal land we dance through. "Control" doesn't function in this mysterious land. It has no place, but it's not like an exile - it doesn't get kicked out of the room like a dog that won't stop begging at the table. It simply doesn't need to show up, so it doesn't. Noticing the conditions in which control doesn't need to show up is a practice of surrendering in trust.
We learn how to trust ourselves in the lyrical ether of sensation.
Noticing and letting our body's sensations be in a natural state of fluidity is not fucking easy. It's actually really, really, really, really, really hard (yes, every single one of those reallys is appropriate). Even when we feel like we are getting the hang of it, something happens that convinces us we haven't made as much progress as we thought -- but damn that! There is no end point to "figuring it out" - as long as we are alive, we will be "figuring it out". It's not about 'fixing' something that is 'broken'. It's not about a fixed-state of anything. It's learning how to be present with ourselves with grace, compassion, and love no. matter. what. - - learning how to embody our experience in ways that align with our core values, desires, and authenticity.
It's entirely understandable that this is hard work; heck it might even be intimidating for some of us. That's not only perfectly acceptable and normal - it is absolutely remarkable that we continue to show up in ways that honor ourselves authentically, even when it feels uncomfortable, confusion, and daunting. Please give yourself credit for giving a shit about yourself and being willing to advocate for your needs, desires, and values. It's actually really stinking cool.
Soooo, where does pleasure come into this work? Pleasure is fun, duh. But more seriously, I believe pleasure is a gateway into our nervous system's juicy intelligence and that it reveals a very special kind of power, a kind of power as unique as our fingerprints. Being in a state of pleasure brings upon a sense of ease with ourselves. Many people who have worked with me have been convinced there is no hope, that they've hit a wall at a dead end with a sign that says "this is where hope dies". But then, in a gradual delicacy of experiencing the magic of relaxation and pleasure showing up together in their body, they drink that yummy juice and suddenly find that the wall of hopelessness doesn't seem so daunting anymore. There's so much to be discovered in the juice! So much to devour! I trust this juiciness more than I have ever trusted anything in my life.
After many sessions, a client once described their wall as 'softly crumbling' after she once thought she had to 'fight to break it down' - how much better does a soft crumble sound than an aggressive destruction that leaves us exhausted? I know which one I would prefer! Another client once told me that she couldn't really explain it, but that her session felt like a conversation being facilitated between her and her body that she really needed. I am forever grateful to receive the feedback from clients who say they don't understand what just happened but that they know it's important and good for them. A person who experienced intense pain during arousal once told me that one session reduced pain more effectively and longer than any physical therapy has ever provided him.
Sensual bodywork isn't always about reaching a climactic goal - it isn't always about a "happy ending" but instead a "happy to be alive as an emotive and sensitive creature" kind of thing. Over time, I have realized that my practice's core roots aren't about performance, ejaculation, or orgasm. It is a practice of presence embodied in pleasure. It is a practice of connecting to the most tender and soft parts of ourselves.
Don't get me wrong, enhancing the skills of presence and tuning into how the body communicates in states of pleasure and grief are actually sexy AF and will absolutely have impacts on how we experience physical intimacy (duh), but the POINT of this work is not explicitly sexual...right? Maybe for some of you it is and that's okay-- Please, by all means, come in for pleasure's sake (seriously, I am not kidding!). Come to be touched in ways you've never been touched before. Come to feel seen, adored, and loved.
But also come for the divine magic of being alive and join me in this disgusting love affair with life.
I hope to continue having the opportunity to share these gifts with people for another decade.
Oh, the things that await us!
I always ask you, "if I could hold your pleasure in my hands, what would I notice about it with my own senses?" -- well, here are the top ways people describe their pleasure:
warm
soft
honey
light
bright
electrifying
buzzing
tingling
fuzzy
gooey
expansive
Nearly every human I have asked this question to says warm as their first word. It makes me giddy how common this happens. I hope this autumn meets you with that familiar warmth.
SEGMENT III: Updates
Here I am (again) making changes to the way booking looks, welp! Please be patient with me as you always are. Nothing is going away or even necessarily changing as far as sessions are concerned; you can expect the same great practice. The booking will simply look different and rates are changing ever so slightly to reflect the time structure changes with a slight well-deserved increase that reflects my skill level fairly and equitably (after all, I've been doing this for a decade now, hehe!).
Bear with me here. There is always something here for everyone and the sliding scale option for returning Somatic Intimacy sessions isn't going anywhere. Access to this work is extremely important to me and I will always be willing to negotiate a plan with anyone who brings it up - we can get creative and flexible together!
The "Deeper Intimacy" option is going away and is becoming the Expansive Ritual - these sessions are automatically a minimum of 90 minutes with the option for additional time in 15 minute increments up to 2 hours. There will also be an option for a shorter 60 minute session that I am calling Brief Encounter. Rates are going up approximately $50/session.
My regular, standard bodywork session (which is extremely similar to the Introduction Session) is going to be listed as the Somatic Intimacy Ritual - these sessions are available for either 75, 90, or 105 minutes. The Introduction Session and Somatic Intimacy rates aren't changing whatsoever aside from a slight increase in the additional time rate ($10 and $20 respectively).
Most people are still able to get a complete introduction session in 90 minutes - the extra time is for those like me who are a little more loquacious and need more time to communicate and unpack before/after getting on the table.
Reminder that the time of the session starts when you walk into the door and ends when you leave. The session time does not reflect total time on the table - communication is a large part of the work and is included in the session time.
Intake Call
Free - will likely never cost anything!
Introduction Session
90 minutes: $300 (unchanged)
+15 minutes: $50 ($350)
+30 minutes: $100 ($400)
Somatic Intimacy Ritual
75 minutes: $300 (minimum time necessary for a complete session without feeling rushed)
+15 minutes: $50 (90 min $350)
+30 minutes: $100 (105 min $400)
Discretionary discounts for Somatic Intimacy Ritual on base by case basis: 10-15% (enter "Sliding Scale" option when booking)
75: ~$260
90: ~$305
105: ~$350
Expansive Ritual (Formerly Booked as Deeper Intimacy)
90 minutes: $450 (standard session that allows time for the entirety of ritual with amble time to check-in and check-out)
+15 minutes: $70 (105 min $540)
+30 minutes: $140 (2 hours $590)
Shorter sessions will also be available on a case by case basis and discussed in person (Choose Brief Encounter option for $340)
Comments