Spiders + Sovereignty

TAGS: Somatic sovereignty, power, spiders, and erotic embodiment

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i trust the lady with spiders in her eyes

silk draped over her cracked skin

sharpened teeth under her honey soaked lips

fingers weaving webs with needles made of bone

somatic sovereignty is: the embodiment of self-sustaining resourcing

specifically, I think it is the capacity to recognize and intentionally work with the connection between the mind+body+earth as a divine/authentic source of highly intelligent, purely benevolent feedback

somatic awareness is simply the ability to sense oneself through sensation

I guess it doesn't have to be all fancy and divine - but I think it is! why not make it about god?

It's something we can trust without doubt (like god)

It's something available to us at any given time (like god)

And it serves us without an ounce of malice (like god)

but no, it doesn't have to be about god

people always ask: What does somatics mean? What is the soma? What in hot hell potatoes is going on around here?!

Somatics: the connection of the mind and body as a way to see/understand/perceive the inner self

Soma: modern dictionaries call it 'the body of an organism' and usually take a biological route with the word - but in this space, we go deeper and weirder ;) Here, we see the soma as that source mentioned above. The actual, literal body as an actual, literal source of intelligence and benevolent feedback for us to understand ourselves and the world around us. The soma is the body in it's absolute raw, authentic state of benevolence. It is the physical body, yes. But it is also SO MUCH MORE than just the tissues, cells, and proteins that make it up. The soma is unseen wisdom; the kind of intelligence that translates everything in magical tunes of our own vibrations. It is our body not just by way of our skin, our blood, or our bones - but the body in how we relate and communicate with it as an actual, literal source of wisdom.

(cool side note: in Sanskrit and ancient vedic ritual writings, 'soma' is a fermented beverage folks [likely gods, goddesses, and priestesses] drunk during worship rituals)

I find it easiest to explain all this shit by describing what it opposes..

it is the essence of being *ungovernable*

the essence of being *uncontrollable and unrejected*

by theory of opposites it is the essence of acceptance and freedom

it is somehow the other end of what we understand as conventional power

you know the kind..

so maybe it's unconventional power...?

I'm not exactly sure! But we always like a good spectrum around here, don't we?

<conventional power> --------------- <sovereign somatic power>

on the sovereign side of this spectrum we would see words + ideas like:

self-sustaining, inner-resourcing, self-governing, self-regulating, empowered by own values, liberated from expectations, accepted as it is without needing to change, favors growth/expansion/truth, earth conscious, accountability

on the side of the conventional power we would see:

dependency, extraction, entitlement, constrained to expectations of success by standards not written by us, rejection based on respectability politics, secretive, exploitative, sabotage

Those give very different vibes, right?

so therefore, i conclude...

that somatic sovereignty is definitely medicine for patriarchal wounds that we find in conventional systems of power

it is the fuel of living an anti-patriarchy and anti-imperialism way of life

I think a lot of us carry the patriarchy within us without even knowing it

I think we are bleeding from wounds we can't see (yet)

I think we have unknowingly weltered in the wakes of disdain disguised as safeguards

and somatic sovereignty is one way we can shed light to the wounds

and! our remarkable capacity to love the fuck outta ourselves :)

we might tie ourselves up in knots and think we cannot untie ourselves.

the soma is where we might find the instructions to watch the knots loosen and fall from our bodies

HOLD THE HORSES, MAJESTIES!

what the heck am I talking about?

Well! let's take a look at some notes i wrote back in July. I submerged myself in a few books and teachings on somatics - did some deep dives into the internet and found an extremely rich history on the soma that could honestly take up an entire collection of essays that i would be thrilled to eventually write [someday].

Notes on Somatics:

- the soma seems to be in a constant attempt of alignment to...*something* (definitions and understandings still needed by me - i don't have the language to actually articulate what I mean. like there must be a center point all of this radiates around, right? ..is that the self? ..the soul? ..the soul-self? Like the UNSHAKABLE part of me that is never to be tainted by conventional ideas because it is so deeply embedded in divine insistence that nothing can seem to actually bother it?

because its..lol..the part of us that is GOD?!

(see ya, i need more help on this part)

- it's widley best understood not within the contexts of conventional western thought. old old writings by Greeks and old old languages like Sanskrit seem to have a way easier time describing somatics than modern science does.

- this is all unending. the wisdom of the body (the soma) is unending in its meditative awareness. Reginald A Ray says, '...be fully present within our Soma...not only its openness and sense of connection but, beyond that, its spontaneous intelligence and inspiration."

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So there's notes on soma, what about sovereignty?

the word sovereign literally means to rule, to control, to govern.

so why use a word that literally means the same thing as what I am trying to dismantle?

I dunno...because the English language fucking bloooowwws??

and *somatic sovereignty* sounds coooool

because i've been using the phrase 'somatic intimacy' for six years and this just FEELS RIGHT

whatever - I didn't make all this shit up all on my own

lots of sciencey and therapy people talk about this ALL the time

I'm just putting an erotic twist on it because I'm sexy like that

alas, please stay poetic with me

the soma is our sovereignty

our bodies know how to control itself

it knows how to regulate itself (or at least seek regulation)

it knows how to call out for attention, for rest, for connection

and it is well equipped

to navigate all the sensational terrains it embarks

because...it's... the soma!

we can trust it :)

So how does pleasure play into sovereignty?

there's a thing we're gonna call *erotic sovereignty*

holding everything previously written in this post, we can look at erotic somatic sovereignty as: being the source of and owning our own erotic power

boom! blash! botta bing!

;) and I even have a story to paint a better picture of what I mean.

The story I am about to share is one of how ownership of pleasure plays out in real time with partners who encourage it

(I received full consent from my partner to share this with ya'll).

I have a partner who can make me squirt over and over.

Sheets need to be changed when we are done.

Blankets need to be spot cleaned.

It is so intense, so deeply releasing and refreshing to have waterfalls pouring out of my caves

Honestly, it is possibly the most peaceful shit I have the pleasure of experiencing

When we were done after the last time I saw them I said,

“Fuck! Thank you so much for giving me those mind blowing orgasms. I am like floating on all planes of existence right now.”

and they responded with something like,

“You should be thanking yourself for your body feeling that good. It's more you than it is me - I'm just listening to you.”

The End.

just kidding - that's only the end of the interactive story between me and my partner. what happened after they left with me, myself, my erotic embodiment, and journal processing is another story...

It. blew. my. mind. when they said I should be thanking myself.

I don’t know if it was the way they said it or what

but in that moment

Something *nestled* --- gears clicked and locked into place

All the stars aligned in my world and something hit me in a way it never has before

…I am responsible for my pleasure…

…my pleasure is MINE…

<insert me ascending from the shadows with smoke slowly billowing around me>

I POSSESS THE PLEASURE OF WHICH I AM

[insert delightful evil laugh here: > mwwaahhahahaha]

They didn’t GIVE ME ORGASMS

I mean, they did - but also - they didn’t

I accepted something, sure

- but -

It wasn’t all them

..or their hands

..or their body

I mean, it was those things - but also - it wasn't

I did accept those things

I won't deny it

But those things are not responsible for the orgasms i experienced.

I* was responsible for it all

I* made those fluids

those fluids were riddled with MY DNA

those were convulsing MY muscles

My eyeballs rolling to the back of my head

I* blew those fluids out of my.damn.self.

I succumbed to the deepest cave of my owwwwnnnn ecstasy

inside of myyy booddyy

bbbllllaaaahhhhhhhh

It's almost like I submitted to myself, right?

if we must bring up conventional power again (yes, we do. that's the whole point of this post).

I answered a call

that sounded like 'let go of control'

The call came from within my own body

By letting go of control

I found myself in control

(but how can that be?)

Maybe I didn’t actually find control at all

but a - - place

within myself

where control

as it's known as a weapon used against me

doesn’t even have a cell to lean on

Where conventional control doesn’t even make sense

A context where conventional power doesn’t have a cozy place to chill anymore

A place where control doesn’t mean false power over someone else’s agency

Where instead

...it nourishes my capacity to embody my divinity

Where control becomes sovereignty…

Well, huh! Isn't that neat!

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**now let's go back to the beginning of this story and notice how the very FIRST LINE delivers all the credit for my pleasure to my partner**

**this is the kind of seemingly harmless way of speaking about our intimacy is actually wildly important to notice**

**noticing how we talk about it can offer insight to where there is room for sovereignty**

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I will not ignore the elephant in the room

Can't deny what screams at me

touch is a critical vehicle for all of this

it communicates an invitation to sovereignty

and bears witness to attending the party

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The lady with spiders in her eyes has clarity on the power that is just...her

She trusts that what she has weaved will catch what she needs

Her webs are saturated in the wisdom she carries in her bones

That wisdom is weaved in the webs by way of the kind of magick we know we all believe in.

the spider embodies sustainable sovereignty in her capacity to produce what nourishes her from within her own body. she has *everything* she needs inside her body to take care of herself within her environment.

and so do you

how adorable is that?